The Mysterious Girl~A Short Story

It was a cold winter night.  I could hear the soft sound of the snow on the café window.  The warmth of the fireplace felt cozy.  I slowly sipped my hot chocolate.

The door opened.  A girl walked in.  She had long brown wavy hair.  Her eyes were as blue as the sea.  She was wearing a white lace dress with a golden dream catcher necklace.  She didn’t have any shoes.  She was shivering.  I felt a little sorry for her.  I got her a hot chocolate and gave her socks and shoes, which I had in my backpack.  She sat by the fireplace.  I sat in front of her and offered her the shoes and the hot chocolate.  She looked at me and asked, “For me?” I nodded.  She wore the shoes and  took the hot chocolate and slowly sipped it.  She stopped shivering. “What’s your name?”, I asked. “Sara”, she answered.  “I’m Diana”, I said.  “Are you new to the city?” I enquired.  She nodded and said no.  “Tell me about this city.  I’m new here”.  We spent the next few minutes talking about the city.  Then the café manager, who had become my friend, came over to the fireplace with his co-workers (who were also my friends).  I started talking to them forgetting about Sara.  I suddenly remembered her and I introduced her to them.  “Will you introduce me to your friends sometime?” I asked.  “I . . . . um need to go outside for a moment”, she said and then she left.  I waited for her almost all night.  I wrote in my journal about how I wanted to be friends with her and she looked really nice.  She didn’t come back.  I tore those pages from my journal.  I went home.

It’s been ten years since that happened and I never saw Sara again.  I always feel sadness wash over me when I think about it.  I went to the same café where I had met Sara.  I talked to my friend (the manager) about Sara.  “I need to give you something” he said and went into the storage room.  He came back with  two small boxes and a light blue envelope. “Sara came back the other day when you left. Yes Diana she came back for you.  She said that she was sorry for leaving and she really liked you.  And she left these gifts for you” he said.  I felt so happy.  I would burst with joy.  I went home and opened the letter.  It said.

Dear Diana,

I am really sorry for leaving the other day.  You might be wondering why I left.  So, I felt a little jealous of you.  I stayed in the city for almost my whole life and I didn’t have any friends and you just moved here and had so many friends.  I came back the next day because I wanted to see you for the last time before I moved to another city.  Now please open the gifts before you read more.

I opened the first gift and saw her dream catcher necklace.  It was beautiful.  It was golden and had light blue beads.  And the second gift had a lot of jewelry like necklaces, bracelets, rings and earrings.  I continued reading.

I made all of the jewelry.  I make jewelry.  It is my favorite thing to do.  I hope you like it.  I’ll visit you some time.  Write back  ❤

Love, Sara

 

This is a story I wrote on my old blog and I thought I’d share it with you guys. Thoughts? Tell me in the comments.

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5 thoughts on “The Mysterious Girl~A Short Story

  1. Hi Arunima! I love how you built two characters’ relationships through just one meeting and a letter! I love the idea, but I have some feedback as well. First of all, this story is written in choppy sentences, that are extremely short. For example, “The door opened. A girl walked in. She had long brown wavy hair. Her eyes were as blue as the sea. She was wearing a white lace dress with a golden dream catcher necklace. She didn’t have any shoes. She was shivering.” Some of these sentences can be combined, like this. “The door opened and a girl walked in. She had long, brown wavy hair, and her eyes were as blue as the sea. She was wearing a white lace dress with a golden dream catcher necklace, but she didn’t put on any shoes.” Your writing should have a variety of combined and choppy sentences, since sometimes those types of sentences work best. I also noticed that in your dialogue, there is not proper punctuation. For example, “I need to give you something”. Instead, it should be: “I need to give you something.” or, “I need to give you something,”. Overall, I enjoyed this short story, but I hope you can learn from my feedback. I hope it will be of use for the future.
    Sincerely,
    Saanvi
    https://anotebookonepenandme.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

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